Day 3...

Today one of my classes was cancelled.  I decided to utilize the extra time by getting a bunch of math assignments done, so I spent 3 straight hours in the Algebra Skills Lab (ASL).  Which is where this story takes place.  For a little background, Math 10 (a.k.a Nitro Math) students were given a quiz on Tuesday which was due today.  To receive full credit on the quiz, you had to come to the ASL and have a teacher initial it.

Cut to this morning about 9:55am.  There I am sitting with my book open, my calculator out and (I'm pretty sure a ream of) scratch paper scattered about in front of me.  In a 10 minute span 5 different 18-22 year olds came up and asked me for my initials. They thought I was a teacher working in the ASL...nice!

Here are the two main reasons this story makes me want to nut punch 18-22 year olds around the world...well at least the ones rushing to the ASL 5 minutes before their quiz is due.

1. I get it, I look older than your average college student, that I understand, but what blows my mind is the fact that I was clearly playing the part of "student" when they came up and asked me for my initials.  Seriously, how many college math teachers sit in the ASL with a calculator and a rainforests worth of scrap paper in front of them, struggling over math problems that most 6th graders find a bit boring??? I mean really look around you and consider that maybe this "old lady" is studying.  Morons!

2. I recognized one of the "kids"!  He's from Darlington, his cousins are my cousins. I remember when he was just a bulletin board in his mother's classroom.  Some of you know who I'm talking about right? Tanner Havens asked me for my initials!

Yeah, I can't believe he had not one seconds hesitation...a quick glimpse like..."Wait, she looks kind of familiar?!  Maybe I saw her at one the the 20 years worth of musicals and plays I've been to, or did I see her at Carson's(...Rayna's...Kalee's...take your pick of whatever Crist kid) graduation party?  Nope...nada.

Wait...maybe he was just "acting" like he didn't know me! Yeah, yeah that must be it...it's totally not because I'm old, completely forgettable and have been away from Darlington so long that a generation of "kids" have NO clue who I am!

Looks like I'm gonna have to do a little PR in Darlington. Apparently, having your brother urinate off of a building next to a cop doesn't give you the same kind of street cred it once would have....thanks for nothing Jed!

Day 2...

I love what getting older does for people. Aging gives most people self-awareness, and self-awareness is a good thing!  Age uncovers the parts of yourself that are real and should be tightly embraced. While at the same time it highlights the parts that don't feel right anymore and encourages being true to who you really are.

In the last few years, I've done that a lot.  I've come to love parts of who I am, and I've let go of some of the shit.  Shit, I thought was real.  Leftover shit from my parents, teachers, or from my own insecurities. Wherever it came from, it was keeping me from doing what deep down I really wanted to do.

Going to school, for example, is one of those things.  For years, I used bad-timing and lack of money as excuses for not going back, but at the core of it, I just didn't think I could handle it.  I wasn't smart enough. I wasn't college material.

I was aware of my gifts...swearing, making people laugh, nursing babies, eating chips, making lasting friendships, driving well over the posted speed limit, and did I mention swearing, but I was not a smart person.  That's my brother Eric's gift.  He is college material.  He has the ability to learn and figure things out...not me...I'm just funny.

For 32 years, that's what I believed.

Before I go any further, I need to make this clear...Eric's really smart, and I'm in no way comparing my IQ (or whatever) to his.  He is gifted, and although he can't beat my swear-words per minute record, he has amazing abilities!

The point is as I get older, I'm amazed at how often I realize how completely different I am, as opposed to who I thought I was.  Age & experience help me recognize when I'm clinging to the familiar old story instead of seeing what is actually there.

A capable person........who can eat lots of Doritos..........while driving really fast.

Semester 2 Day 1...

Well, I'm back.  After all my classes today, I feel pretty good about this semester.  I'm most looking forward to my American Government class. Oh and I was looking forward to my science class too, until I sat next to "Hali."

As in Hali-tosis!

Oh my gawd!  So my class started at 1pm, which was unfortunate because "Hali" must still be used to an afternoon nap.  At first I was confused, because I couldn't figure out where the disgusting smell was coming from.  Then, I realized it was this girl sitting next to me, and the stench was coming from her mouth every time she yawned.  

(Insert gag here) 

SHIT!!!!!!!  It's only 15 minutes into class, and I don't see this girl recovering from the drowsies anytime soon.  There's no coffee, Mt. Dew, or speed sitting next to her.  That's when I realized I'm stuck in this predicament for the next hour and 3 minutes!  I inched away from her, and tried to hold my breath as she continued to yawn & yawn.  

Maybe I should have nicknamed her Yanni!

I'm telling you, this was not normal bad breath.  It was not morning breath or cigarettes or coffee or alcohol or onions.  It was unexplainable!  I think it's best described as dog feces that was rolled in vomit, then soaked in blood, finally to be shoved in a rotting carcass and sprinkled with loneliness. 

(Insert dry heave here) 

I'm certain that Day 2 (and everyday I'm at UWP) will involve avoiding this girl.  I may actually change my major to Avoidance.

Semester 2 starts in...

2 weeks.
14 days.
336 hours.
20,160 minutes.
1,209,600 seconds.

However you say it, it still seems a bit too soon!  If you need to reach me on a Tuesday or Thursday after September 2nd, realize you will be competing with this...

so good luck!

I'm honored...

to be guaranteed a great, high-paying job because of my significant accomplishment.   Thanks UWP, I'm proud to be affiliated with you as well.

Wait, what's that?

This piece of paper doesn't guarantee anything and it's about as worthless in real life as learning how to do Algebra or parallel park.  

Bite me!

Grades-Spring '10...

Day 30...

was my last day in class.   1 hour class of Ethnic Studies....I could handle that right?  Barely!

We were workshopping our final papers.  Just getting last minute advice from others in the class.  However, the professor chose whose papers we would read and critique...which wasn't so great for me.  He had me read the papers of  1. the ignorant girl that I've written about on here before and  2. a dude that had consolidated his 6 to 8 page paper to 1 page and 1 sentence in length.

Once again, I was appalled by the lack of competency these college students have. 

First the girl's paper...let's call her...Amber...the paper was full of generalizations like, the laws against hate crimes have not stopped one person from committing them, or all black people use their race to get out of crimes they commit.

It really was a joy to read this enlightening display of a semesters worth of Ethnic Studies class.

After reading the paper we had to meet and discuss what was needed for revision. She told me that one of my sentences was a run-on and that was all she caught because she only got through the second page.

She was super helpful. My run-on was the setting up of a quote & then the quote, you know like: Julie of UWP & ME states, "This girl is a frickin' moron!"

I then explained to her that he (our professor) was not going to be cool with a bunch of statements that she didn't prove, and she said she "couldn't find much information on immigration laws."

Right!??! That isn't a very hot topic now a days! 

So that is when I said, "Well Amber, you're off to a good start...good luck" and moved on to the next guy...let's call him Randy.  In 1 page and 1 sentence he talked about Irish immigrants during the potato famine, it jumped quickly to religion and ended with Mexicans.  My only advice to him (with one week before this final paper was due) was you may want to pick a topic! I have to say that he actually gave me some good comments and advice on my paper, so it wasn't a complete loss for me.

It was the perfect day to end this semester. I think back on how I hesitated to return to college for so long because I didn't think I could handle it.  Days like this remind me that I'm capable. As long as I am willing to learn from others and work hard, I can do it.  Yes, some classes are going to be really hard, like Spanish, College Algebra and others, but I'm up for the challenge.


I have to take Spanish because I didn't maintain a C average in high school.  Obviously, I was below average in retaining details of Roni Roth's sex life...uhh...I just threw up in my mouth.

So farewell until September.  I'm taking a break.  Spending time with family, vegecating at Farmers Markets, hanging out with friends(my own age), sunning myself at the pond, running to baseball camp, basketball camp, summer school and swimming lessons, just mainly hanging out with MY kids!

You know, normal summer activities for a college student.