Hanging it up...

Last fall life got a little nuts for this student, and her 2 bambinos.  No, that isn't some college kid slang for my boobs.  I mean my actual children!  So for now, I'm unpacking my arm-spraining backpack and putting it on a shelf.  I'll dust it off again when the time is right...by then hopefully Algebra will be banned for life...as it should be.  If you want some more details, click here!

Day 18...

Election day! I'm not lying when I tell you, I heard this twice today..."I can finally VOTE!"

I chose not to tell them the first time I voted it was for Bill Clinton, for a couple of reasons...

1. Given past reactions when hearing about my age, I didn't want to risk having to give mouth to mouth, to a college age human.  I'll pass on the HPV, thank you.

2. I may have had to remember who the other person running for President was, to defend my Clinton vote, and for the life of me, I could not remember!  I seriously had to Google it on my phone, as I was having these thoughts.

FYI: Bob Dole is almost completely forgettable...sorry old man!  The thought of him did rekindle my long-time love affair with Parker pens though.

Day 17...

No triple D's for me! Seriously, missing last week kicked my grades in the ass. Simple stuff that I got right on the homework, just didn't stick because I wasn't there in the flesh.

Damn me and my visual learning!    Here's my topographic maps exam score....

Day 16...

Remember last week's Algebra test?  You know, the one I had to take after I'd missed a weeks worth of classes...

That's right...my second D in two weeks!  Damn, college is starting to feel a lot like high school...except I don't have any friends here!  Actually, I take that back.  I have friends, but they are employed by the University, and no matter how much I beg they will not come to class with me.  Bitches!

I had to take a topographic maps exam this morning too, after missing the review last week.  Stay tuned for D #3!

I'm guessing, I won't receive one of these this semester!

Day 14 & 15...

I missed classes this week, because I was twittering at a statewide work conference...for real, I was! Dude, I will do anything to get out of discussing "The Strategic Plan"...literally anything!

It was a nice break from school, but I had this lingering feeling I was falling further and further behind.  Which was absolutely the case; I had to take a Algebra test the day after I returned and I didn't have a clue about the problems covered when I was gone.

I had done my homework and even studied some, but clearly, I need to be sitting in class, watching the professor go through it step by step.  If I miss that piece of the process, I just don't know the material.

So bravo to those students who skip class all the time!  If you are still getting decent grades, my hat goes off to you...you know, my old lady hat.  It looks something like this...

Day 13...

I found out today I got a D on the American Government test I took last week.  I'm not too bent out of shape about it, because the professor throws out our lowest test score...so I'm hoping this is my lowest.  On the bright side...for me...my 69% was the 4th highest score in the class...of over 40 students?!?!

Had you asked me before the semester started "What will be your hardest class?" I know for sure I wouldn't have answered American Government.  Just goes to show...it's all in the teaching!

Day 12...

Today, I went on a field trip to Devil's Lake State Park.  It was interesting to see examples of some of the stuff I'm learning in my Global Landforms class.

It was also a great way to prove to myself and everyone else on the trip, just how out of shape I am.  Holy crap, we hiked up the steepest part of the bluff, and I was a panting, sweating, jello-legged mess by the time we got to the top...it was awesome!

It did look beautiful up there though.

Note to the girl who sat behind me on the bus, yeah you...the one who freaked out every time the bus driver turned a corner.......Shut the fuck up!  

He's had his driver's license longer than you've been alive, I think he can handle it.  Fucking Moron!

Day 11...

Today in my community first aid and CPR class I had to test that I could save a conscious choking infant.  So I did, which felt good, but to prove that a good deed never goes unpunished... I had this song in my head the rest of the day.

Day 10...

Blogging is harder this semester than it was last semester.  I'm not in any classes that have a discussion component.  I have science, math, government and a health class.  Pretty cut and dry, lots of lectures...very little interaction.

Who knew that when 18-22 year old keep their mouths shut they seem completely normal?  I can go through an entire day without hearing one of them say something really stupid.

I know...crazy...right???

This semester is also boring because my professors are all good.  They teach what they are there to teach, so except for a couple hundred hair-twists, my classes are pretty uneventful.

As I get ready to register for next semester's classes, I'm going to have to keep this in mind.  I either need some courses with class participation or a dirty old professor to keep this blog interesting.

Day 9...

I'm a little surprised about how much I enjoy my Global Landforms class.  Learning about plate tectonics and denudation is actually pretty darn interesting.  It funny how interesting these things are to me now because in high school stuff like this was torture!

Our professor passed our first test back today, but before he did he showed us a little graphic.  It looked a little something like this.  I'll be honest, I thought I did pretty good, but this graph scared the crap out of me.

The professor handed back our Scantron sheets, then the results of the Scantron part of the test. Which with like 48 students in the class took about 20 minutes. I did pretty good on that part of the test although, I left one blank...which is ironic, because I bust Owen's balls all the time about double checking his work.  I preach about how simple mistakes are caught if you just spend a few seconds double checking. Truth be told, I did double check I just missed it, so I guess I should just shut my frickin' trap! 

Then he finally started handing back the actual test that showed our score.  The suspense was terrible!  The kid next to me, who said that he thought he did pretty good, got his test back first with an F on it. He left pissed and I had to take some calming breaths to prevent hyperventilating.  

Finally, he handed me this lovely little grade.

I ♥ A's! 

Day 8...

Dear Professor (of the class that ends at 2:52pm on the second floor of Doudna),

I'm writing to beg you to please exit the room promptly at 2:52pm. Your class ends at 2:52pm, yet you continue to linger with your students until almost 3pm everyday! It's not so much that the other students and I care if you shave a few minutes from our class that begins after yours, but in case you haven't noticed, our Professor, seems to care a lot.

Your almost daily tardiness throws a wrench in his daily routine and that's NOT good for him!  The pacing, hair twisting, rocking and muttering to himself as he checks his watch 75 times a minute screams..."Get the hell out of my classroom, I can't cope with this change!"  I'm not sure if your familiar with the Autism Spectrum, but I'd bet my red Swingline stapler this guy is. To help you understand, I made a visual.

Now, before you send this amazing tool to a medical journal, I need to give credit to Benny, Steve, Milton, Raymond and John for their assistance.  I couldn't have done it without all of them...thanks guys!

Please study this chart, watch some TV and rent some movies to educate yourself on Autism.  This is what the experts do.  I mean, why else would Family Matters have been on TV for 9 years...it had to be for research!

In conclusion, please, please take this warning seriously!  None of us want this guy to go all "4 MINUTES TO WAPNER!" on your ass, ok!?

You're welcome,

JRS

Day 7...

This is the post where I take back every bad thing I've ever said about 18-22 year olds.  Well, maybe not everything, but I need to give credit where credit is due.

Today, I left my cell phone sitting on a bench for about 2 hours.  I don't usually leave my phone places.  I don't usually lose things; I may forget things at home or in my car, but I almost always know where my things are.

This morning, I went to ask one of my professors a question, and had to wait in the lobby part of his building until he was free.  This is not my normal routine and it's times like these when I lose stuff.  I get up and go talk to my professor, then leave the building to go to my next class.  As my class ended over an hour later, I realized (because as I dumped my 77 pound backpack all over the floor looking for it) that my phone was not with me!

I panicked as I tried to think back where I had it last and I freaked out as I remembered that my phone doesn't really lock. Anyone could use it or the information on it to do terrible things....like check my email, delete my calendar or worse yet....put a phony update on my facebook status.......GASP!

So I rush back to that stupid bench in the lobby of my professors building and there, awkwardly sitting between two 18-22 year olds(in the exact spot I left it), is my phone.  I was so happy and proud of the kids I go to school with. I wanted to hug them, and thank them for being wonderful and honest young adults.

Instead, I asked if they were willing to sell me some of their Ritalin....maybe with a clearer head, I won't leave my phone laying around.

Day 6...

I got my Algebra test back today, and I was a little disappointed when I saw that I got a 76% or a C.  As I took the test on Thursday, I was feeling pretty good about it.  I felt like I knew what I was doing.  I left feeling fairly confident I'd done well.  So the C was a bit unexpected.

After examining my test a little more, I realized I only got 2 questions wrong!  I got the rest of the answers right, but I didn't show exactly what the professor wanted to see so I lost a bunch of points.
Which is weird because...shouldn't that be exactly what the professor wants to see.....the right frickin' answer!???!?!?  Well, after class I went to ask the professor that very question...and guess what...I was WRONG.  She doesn't want to see the right answer. She wants to see shit like this....

This is a 10 point question, and as you can see I only got 6 points because I didn't "define x" or write a "sentence."  I couldn't figure out how "x" could really be defined in this problem.  I mean it isn't a year, an age or a dollar amount...it's just a number.  That couldn't be right, I mean this is a college Algebra course, clearly, they wouldn't need us to simplify something that much, right?   WRONG AGAIN!!!!

Yeah, you heard me, the professor was giving 2 points to see this on the test...x=the number! Now, I just have to ask...ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  No shit, x=the number.  Seriously, I was expected to waste pencil lead and 5 seconds of my time to write x=the number?  As you can see, I lost another 2 points because I didn't write this sentence at the end...The number is 11.

This shit happened on 4 other problems.  So lets figure out my total point loss in algebraic terms.

Day 5...

Continued from Day 4. (Which was edited after publishing so those of you who received it on email may want to go back and read the part you missed.) When you last heard from me,  I'd just changed a wrong answer that an ignorant and annoying girl wrote on our assignment.

I got to class really early today to go over the first 3 chapters one last time, because we had a test scheduled. No one else was there, since it was like 5 to 8 in the morning, so I decided I was going to move the lefty desk away from me...annoying Emily is a lefty and she sits next to me because that's where the desk is.  I moved the desk up two rows and over a few spots.  This passive aggressive...I mean proactive  move gave me hope that I'd be able to fully focus on the test and not on the snotty bitch sitting next to me who tried to mess with me and my Algebra grade.

Guess who else arrived early?  Yep!  Not only did she arrive early, but she moved her desk back!  I'm not even kidding you. Who does she think she is, moving desks?

I just ignored her and kept studying.  The professor came in and started handing back our group assignments.  She hands ours to Emily and I hear..."What??!"  When I look over, I see that we have a 3/10 on the assignment. She's all..."I'm sure this is right and no way could this be wrong."

That's when I realize my mistake.

HOLY SHIT! This girl is a frickin' NITRO and I pretty much left her in charge of an assignment that I'd be graded on. Only stopping to double checked one little thing...the slope...which by the way, was only partially right because her math was so jacked up.  

I was so mad at myself! As I was coming unglued, I realized that I'd once again trusted an 18 year old girl, and once again bad things happened.  I got my first F at UWP.

Yeah, yeah I know I'm a moron.  Well, at least I didn't go to private school, I've heard those kids are frickin' idiots and clearly, they don't know how to use a calculator!

Day 4...

In Algebra, I sit by an annoying 18-22 year old.  She first started to annoy me on Day 1 when after the professor made a comment about how "they (meaning 18-22 year olds) learned how to do math with calculators, and that some of them are lacking the basic skills needed for solving problems on their own."  This clearly irritated my neighbor because she made this face:

and said "Whatever!"

So the next day, annoying girl...let's call her Emily, got really pissy when the professor mentioned something along the "kids use calculators more now" line again.  This time she leaned over to me and said "I hate when she says that, it's not true!"

To which, I replied..."Umm, yes it is! She isn't saying that YOU learned how to do everything on a calculator, she's making a generalization about college students, and she's right... most of you (meaning 18-22 year olds) learned how to do math on calculators more than generations of college students before you.

She didn't seem to give a shit about that response. She fired back with "Well, I went to a private school and we couldn't use calculators, so I hate when she says that."

And I'm thinking:

Well, today we had to do a little assignment with the person sitting next to us...crap that's Emily!  When we got the assignment done, we could leave class.  When the teacher handed her the paper with the problem, she got right to it. I watched as she answered the questions and it looked like she was doing fine, so I just kind of watched over her shoulder.  For the last part of the problem, we had to figure out the slope.  She wrote down and ordered pair like (0,12). 

I'm only putting this in here because a week ago, I wouldn't have remembered what the hell that was.

Since I recently re-learned this crap and I know that the slope is not an ordered pair, so I said "I don't think the slope is righ"...that is where she cut me off and barked "TRUST ME!" as she got up and handed in the paper.

Yeah...that's right...this 18 year old bitch annoyingly snapped "TRUST ME!" at me.  WTF!?!?

I'm sorry, but the last 18 year old girl I trusted, stole 2 wine coolers out of a friend's grandma's refrigerator and nearly missed CCD for a week.....wait a minute...that was ME when I was 18.....point is........I don't trust 18 year old girls any farther than I could throw them.  

Actually on second thought, I could toss most of them quite a ways, so maybe I should put it like this...I don't trust 18 year old girls any further than their skinny jeans could be pulled up on my leg.

In case your wondering, Hell yeah!...I went to the professor, got our sheet back and quickly changed the slope.  I wasn't 4.0 last semester because I trusted some 18 year old........it was because I could bullshit my way through Philosophy papers!

To be continued....

Day 3...

Today one of my classes was cancelled.  I decided to utilize the extra time by getting a bunch of math assignments done, so I spent 3 straight hours in the Algebra Skills Lab (ASL).  Which is where this story takes place.  For a little background, Math 10 (a.k.a Nitro Math) students were given a quiz on Tuesday which was due today.  To receive full credit on the quiz, you had to come to the ASL and have a teacher initial it.

Cut to this morning about 9:55am.  There I am sitting with my book open, my calculator out and (I'm pretty sure a ream of) scratch paper scattered about in front of me.  In a 10 minute span 5 different 18-22 year olds came up and asked me for my initials. They thought I was a teacher working in the ASL...nice!

Here are the two main reasons this story makes me want to nut punch 18-22 year olds around the world...well at least the ones rushing to the ASL 5 minutes before their quiz is due.

1. I get it, I look older than your average college student, that I understand, but what blows my mind is the fact that I was clearly playing the part of "student" when they came up and asked me for my initials.  Seriously, how many college math teachers sit in the ASL with a calculator and a rainforests worth of scrap paper in front of them, struggling over math problems that most 6th graders find a bit boring??? I mean really look around you and consider that maybe this "old lady" is studying.  Morons!

2. I recognized one of the "kids"!  He's from Darlington, his cousins are my cousins. I remember when he was just a bulletin board in his mother's classroom.  Some of you know who I'm talking about right? Tanner Havens asked me for my initials!

Yeah, I can't believe he had not one seconds hesitation...a quick glimpse like..."Wait, she looks kind of familiar?!  Maybe I saw her at one the the 20 years worth of musicals and plays I've been to, or did I see her at Carson's(...Rayna's...Kalee's...take your pick of whatever Crist kid) graduation party?  Nope...nada.

Wait...maybe he was just "acting" like he didn't know me! Yeah, yeah that must be it...it's totally not because I'm old, completely forgettable and have been away from Darlington so long that a generation of "kids" have NO clue who I am!

Looks like I'm gonna have to do a little PR in Darlington. Apparently, having your brother urinate off of a building next to a cop doesn't give you the same kind of street cred it once would have....thanks for nothing Jed!

Day 2...

I love what getting older does for people. Aging gives most people self-awareness, and self-awareness is a good thing!  Age uncovers the parts of yourself that are real and should be tightly embraced. While at the same time it highlights the parts that don't feel right anymore and encourages being true to who you really are.

In the last few years, I've done that a lot.  I've come to love parts of who I am, and I've let go of some of the shit.  Shit, I thought was real.  Leftover shit from my parents, teachers, or from my own insecurities. Wherever it came from, it was keeping me from doing what deep down I really wanted to do.

Going to school, for example, is one of those things.  For years, I used bad-timing and lack of money as excuses for not going back, but at the core of it, I just didn't think I could handle it.  I wasn't smart enough. I wasn't college material.

I was aware of my gifts...swearing, making people laugh, nursing babies, eating chips, making lasting friendships, driving well over the posted speed limit, and did I mention swearing, but I was not a smart person.  That's my brother Eric's gift.  He is college material.  He has the ability to learn and figure things out...not me...I'm just funny.

For 32 years, that's what I believed.

Before I go any further, I need to make this clear...Eric's really smart, and I'm in no way comparing my IQ (or whatever) to his.  He is gifted, and although he can't beat my swear-words per minute record, he has amazing abilities!

The point is as I get older, I'm amazed at how often I realize how completely different I am, as opposed to who I thought I was.  Age & experience help me recognize when I'm clinging to the familiar old story instead of seeing what is actually there.

A capable person........who can eat lots of Doritos..........while driving really fast.

Semester 2 Day 1...

Well, I'm back.  After all my classes today, I feel pretty good about this semester.  I'm most looking forward to my American Government class. Oh and I was looking forward to my science class too, until I sat next to "Hali."

As in Hali-tosis!

Oh my gawd!  So my class started at 1pm, which was unfortunate because "Hali" must still be used to an afternoon nap.  At first I was confused, because I couldn't figure out where the disgusting smell was coming from.  Then, I realized it was this girl sitting next to me, and the stench was coming from her mouth every time she yawned.  

(Insert gag here) 

SHIT!!!!!!!  It's only 15 minutes into class, and I don't see this girl recovering from the drowsies anytime soon.  There's no coffee, Mt. Dew, or speed sitting next to her.  That's when I realized I'm stuck in this predicament for the next hour and 3 minutes!  I inched away from her, and tried to hold my breath as she continued to yawn & yawn.  

Maybe I should have nicknamed her Yanni!

I'm telling you, this was not normal bad breath.  It was not morning breath or cigarettes or coffee or alcohol or onions.  It was unexplainable!  I think it's best described as dog feces that was rolled in vomit, then soaked in blood, finally to be shoved in a rotting carcass and sprinkled with loneliness. 

(Insert dry heave here) 

I'm certain that Day 2 (and everyday I'm at UWP) will involve avoiding this girl.  I may actually change my major to Avoidance.

Semester 2 starts in...

2 weeks.
14 days.
336 hours.
20,160 minutes.
1,209,600 seconds.

However you say it, it still seems a bit too soon!  If you need to reach me on a Tuesday or Thursday after September 2nd, realize you will be competing with this...

so good luck!

I'm honored...

to be guaranteed a great, high-paying job because of my significant accomplishment.   Thanks UWP, I'm proud to be affiliated with you as well.

Wait, what's that?

This piece of paper doesn't guarantee anything and it's about as worthless in real life as learning how to do Algebra or parallel park.  

Bite me!